Before I get into all the lovey-dovey stuff, let me first give a little background on my current situation. As I said previously, I am a stay-at-home mom by force. Force meaning, no matter how hard I have tried or how good my resume looks, I can’t seem to catch a break getting a job. I’ve always prided myself in the ability to not be out of work for more than two weeks since my daughter, Chichi was born. As of late, I haven’t had the best of luck. Once we found out of was pregnant with miracle baby #2, we moved into our own apartment using our tax money and filled it with blessings from friends and family (i.e livingroom furniture, kitchen needs, bed room needs) and a few belongings of our own from previous lives.
I’ve been on the search for a job since January and no luck. My mom says not to give up. That with the way the economy is, it’s hard for everyone. This got to me. I’ve never failed at provided for my daughter. I’ve never been comfortable relying on anyone because of how I grew up. I felt like I failed as a parent and a mom. I didn’t realize how much until my impatience, guilt, and frustrations about the whole thing seeped into my relationship with Aaron. While he just wanted some love and affection, I kept my distance because of how I was feeling personally. He became distant and I assumed it was because me and Chichi were becoming a burden on him. I felt like he didn’t care about me anymore and that hurt so bad. Boy was I wrong…
I just let it all out this morning. I cried and cried and cried from 5am until the end. He came back home from dropping Chichi off at school and began his day like normal. making coffee and cereal. Only difference is, he didn’t speak to me. Even though he saw my tears, nothing. FYI, I’m not one for tears. Never have been. Again, that has to do with how I was raised. Anyway, I finally stepped out of the living room and went to the room to cry. He followed and we finally had it out. He held me until I stopped crying – reminding me to think about the baby- and we talked.
It was hard opening up to him. But I did. He was shocked at my thoughts and accusations. Saying he would never see us as a burden. That this is what he wanted and he loves taking care of us. That instead of thinking about myself as a failure – which I’m not- think that maybe this is what God intended. That God doesn’t want me working right now. That I should stay home and focus on the baby. He said, me working at the house and maintaining it IS work and I should be proud. I really didn’t think of it that way before, but it definitely was an eye opener. All Aaron wanted was love. Some cuddle time and “appreciation” for all the hard work he does do for this family. I was so wrapped up in my sadness that I forgot all about how me must have been feeling. That’s why he was so distant.
All in all, if there’s anything you take from this post, let it be that communication always has been, and still remains a vital key to relationship success. I almost forgot that and lost a very important part of me – my Aaron.
P.S.. Make-up sex is always awesome when everything is understood and the love it still there. 🙂