A Heart To Heart With Hubbs…


from bloglet.com

from bloglet.com

  Before I get into all the lovey-dovey stuff, let me first give a little background on my current situation. As I said previously, I am a stay-at-home mom by force. Force meaning, no matter how hard I have tried or how good my resume looks, I can’t seem to catch a break getting a job. I’ve always prided myself in the ability to not be out of work for more than two weeks since my daughter, Chichi was born. As of late, I haven’t had the best of luck. Once we found out of was pregnant with miracle baby #2, we moved into our own apartment using our tax money and filled it with blessings from friends and family (i.e livingroom furniture, kitchen needs, bed room needs) and a few belongings of our own from previous lives.

I’ve been on the search for a job since January and no luck. My mom says not to give up. That with the way the economy is, it’s hard for everyone. This got to me. I’ve never failed at provided for my daughter. I’ve never been comfortable relying on anyone because of how I grew up. I felt like I failed as a parent and a mom.  I didn’t realize how much until my impatience, guilt, and frustrations about the whole thing seeped into my relationship with Aaron. While he just wanted some love and affection, I kept my distance because of how I was feeling personally. He became distant and I assumed it was because me and Chichi were becoming a burden on him. I felt like he didn’t care about me anymore and that hurt so bad. Boy was I wrong…

I just let it all out this morning. I cried and cried and cried from 5am until the end. He came back home from dropping Chichi off at school and began his day like normal. making coffee and cereal. Only difference is, he didn’t speak to me. Even though he saw my tears, nothing. FYI, I’m not one for tears. Never have been. Again, that has to do with how I was raised. Anyway, I finally stepped out of the living room and went to the room to cry. He followed and we finally had it out. He held me until I stopped crying – reminding me to think about the baby- and we talked.

It was hard opening up to him. But I did. He was shocked at my thoughts and accusations. Saying he would never see us as a burden. That this is what he wanted and he loves taking care of us. That instead of thinking about myself as a failure – which I’m not- think that maybe this is what God intended. That God doesn’t want me working right now. That I should stay home and focus on the baby. He said, me working at the house and maintaining it IS work and I should be proud. I really didn’t think of it that way before, but it definitely was an eye opener.  All Aaron wanted was love. Some cuddle time and “appreciation” for all the hard work he does do for this family. I was so wrapped up in my sadness that I forgot all about how me must have been feeling. That’s why he was so distant.

All in all, if there’s anything you take from this post, let it be that communication always has been, and still remains a vital key to relationship success. I almost forgot that and lost a very important part of me – my Aaron.

P.S.. Make-up sex is always awesome when everything is understood and the love it still there. 🙂


You Didn’t Tell Me This Would Happen, DOC?!

Oh, Woa is ME!! Seriously, I really REALLY wish there was a step-by-step on pregnancy. Not just the fancy stuff they have in stores, but a genuine ‘bug in your ear’ type of instruction. And with all instruction on the intake of anything, there are side-effects. The side-effects that are forever changing and making me question my sanity. Never would I think that spotting is normal during pregnancy, so of course I’m in the ER. Never would I think sleeping would be so difficult that I am at my most comfortable damn near sitting straight up. But, alas, it is… I guess… :-/ So if there are any women out there experiencing this and then some, or just unawares of what’s to come, here are some things I’ve learned – well, that fell into my lap so far –  during this pregnancy.

– Spots, Spots, Spots

So, there’s this condition called subchorionic hemorrhage  where the placenta may not be fully attached or is so close to the cervix that spotting happens. It’s apparently very common and usually goes away on its’ own. I was not aware and ended up in the ER at 3am for 6 hours. Still, I got to see the baby again. That’s always fun. Bed rest and a follow up visit showed everything was fine. Baby is still thriving though the spotting has not yet fully stopped for me. (ugh) Still, if the spotting gets heavy or is forever bright in color, then that raises a few alarms. God’s keeping a close eye on my so far.

– Bipolar? No way! ^_^ I SAID NO!!

We all know emotions can run pretty high during pregnancy. But what I’ve experienced all together is pretty close to criminal. I don’t think it’s okay to think about your significant other like a piece of meat one second and a foul soul the next. He’s seen the good and the bad. I’ve been able to keep the ugly at bay for now. Still, if ever you get the urge to chuck him (or her) our of a window, stop and breath. It’s only pregnancy.

-Sex Will Change/ Men’s Needs

Yeah, no secret there. It goes hand in hand with the hormone things we go through. I was having to turn my fiance’ down so often it became the only thing we argued about – and we DON’T argue. I’ve learned to just accept it and give him his few minutes of sex. Even if I’m not in the mood, he never disappoints me and he’s ridiculously happy afterwards. So why not. Like Lenard on Big Bang Theory said “It’ll shorten the war by five years and save millions of lives!”. I’m just saying. 🙂

– Sleep? What’s that?

I don’t sleep well at all. I thought being pregnant makes you sleepy all the time. Nope! At least not in my case. With my daughter I remember sleeping a lot before I found out I was pregnant. But this pregnancy is like the complete opposite. It’s to a point I worry I’ll fall asleep without knowing and wake up outside naked . True fear. I have this app on my phone I’ve been using for years for times when I couldn’t sleep. I started using it again. It’s called Lightning Bug and it plays all sorts of sounds and animals and instruments. You control what you want to hear, how loud (or soft) and how long. I love it.

– Sun burned Nipples anyone?

Another new spot for me there. I don’t even like my itty-bitty titties out of a sports bra. So why they alone feel like they’ve had a little too much Sun is beyond me. And it’s JUST the nipples. The whole boob is fine, but the nipps?! So, I hopped on babycenter.com and asked other moms if they’ve experienced this before. A few have. They recommended coconut oil, olive oil, and even nipple guards. I keep the oils on hand for my hair, so I’m giving it a shot. Stay tuned for those results.

As unnormal as I’m feeling, it’s good to know that all of this is normal. Along with moderate cramps and snoring even if I’ve never snored before. Just baby getting a little more air, I guess. Pregnancy isn’t the end. Only the beginning. And as annoying as the symptoms are, they are worth it for this little blessing. Definitely worth it. Steph


Staying De-stressed When Stress Part of Pregnancy. How, I Say?!? Well…


 4/4/14 ; 13 and 1 week(s) Preggs

Watching the SADDEST episode of  “The ‘L’ Word” I’ve seen thus far. Tina and Bette lose their inseminated baby at 12 weeks. The Regular Doctor visit turned up no heartbeat… Ugh! All I need. Miscarriage worries. Yep! All I absolutely need. How does a preggs woman get over the fear of miscarriage without causing issues just TRYING not to? Is that even possible?! Not only are the hormones on the fringe and then some, but trying not to stress about something that I may or may not have control over (like miscarriage) is like putting a pregnant me in front of a jar of butter bread pickles and telling me and can’t touch them. Really?!

Alas, I guess it’s just one of those worries many mom questions we may never have answers to. For me, it kinda comes down to my faith. My faith is strong and I know everything happens for a reason. After my daughter was born, I was pretty assured that I couldn’t have any more kids. Heartbroken, I took it with a grain of salt and still didn’t believe. For 5 years, I tried for more with her father. Tried and tried. Nothing. I gave up. Luckily, I met the right guy, we got engaged, and ‘presto’ , baby on board!!! Just goes to show, God gets the last laugh and he made sure I was with the right guy before I made the mistake of having two (or more) kids with the wrong (Hell spawned) guy.

For the other daily stressors in my life, I’ve come to rely on a few things. Aaron, Charlie (the dog), and Chichi are a huge factor when I feel so low I worry there is no way out. But sometimes I have to figure the stress out on my own. Being a forced stay-at-home mom right now leaves me alone at home a lot of the time. So, here are some ideas I’ve used, that I hope other moms can pull from as well:

Drink Tea:

20140406_125108    20140406_125122

Tea is not only an alternative to my undying love for coffee during pregnancy, but something about it is calming. I am a huge researcher, so I did that to get a little “scientific” on you all. ^_^  “Stress hormone levels fell by nearly twice as much in tea drinkers compared with those given a tea-like drink, after all had been put under stress.” (University of London). That’s as far as I’ll go there. Tea makes me feel a little more in control when I feel ready to tear some familiar heads off. The Tension Tamer is a distinct taste, just add more honey (and sugar) if you’d like.



I have always been a huge reader. So, of course, my current choices are pregger books and magz!! 🙂  And I’m learning a lot. But more than that, reading about my continued role as a mom just excites me to no end! That alone, is enough to take my mind off my personal stressors.

Comfort Food… To a certain Extent:


Okay, we all know pregnancy comes with cravings and the want  need to eat more and and eat healthy. This is a picture of my version a loaded baked potato (or two) and IT WAS GOOOOOOOOD. I had a rough day grocery shopping at more than one store and overdoing it. By the time me and little one got home, my back was on fire and my hunger was through the roof. I had passed irritation and gone straight to aggravation. By the time I’d made my food, I couldn’t be talked to without a hint of attitude. My fault. That meal, not only fixed my mood a smidge, but led to my next comfort…

Take a much needed nap:


Yep. Give the sandman a call and take a 45 minute nap. I try to only go for 45 minutes because any longer, and I might not get up again. It’s like letting the body recharge. Which is a great natural way to de-stress.

Write is Down:


My journal is my outlet. It keeps me going. It’s that person that I need who doesn’t give an opinion, just listens. And from what I’m learning about myself, writing things that are on my mind down REALLY clears the stress from my mind. How does the saying go? Out of Mind, out of pregnancy hormones – or something like that. ^_*

If You’re a Gamer:


Then Game, I’m a huge gamer. Always have been. I’ve had the pleasure of working for Xbox for a short time too. So gaming has always been a huge stress reliever since I started grade school.

All in all, try new things and never give up when it comes to relieving stress. And if all else fails, just remind yourself that a happy mommy means a happy baby. I want to fill my unborn child with happy thoughts and feelings. Not the kind that could contribute to the creation of a serial killer. I’m Just saying. Steph